this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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