It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
