man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
