Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
