Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
