just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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