great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
