this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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