hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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