I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize