I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
