Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
