I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
