Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
