i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
