Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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