apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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