Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
