ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
