All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
