called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
