If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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