I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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