I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
