Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
