Me too!
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
