Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
