Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
