If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
