She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
