So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
