Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
