I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize