So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
