you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
