That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
