It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You have to summon your inner elephant
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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