Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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