Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
