can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
