I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
