Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
