so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Randomize
