i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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