My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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