u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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