I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize