but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
