I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
