Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
