i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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