Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
