You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
