just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just cropdusted the office
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
