GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
