I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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