3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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