my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
