The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
