mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
