I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
