I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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