No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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