i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
