I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize