My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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