On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
