Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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