My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
