I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
