dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
