they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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